I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
