He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
