Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
