she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
did you just send me my own nude
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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