you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
