ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
