Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
