If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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