Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Floor bacon is actually really good
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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