Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
