After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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