We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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