sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
