How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
