four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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