Whod you bang
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize