...so i touched it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
