There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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