please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
