she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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