cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
