i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize