Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
