the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
