i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
