All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
