She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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