well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
