Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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