I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize