You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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