i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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