why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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