i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
