If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
