Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
