my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
