I just pynch a tree in the face
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
