He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize