why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
