I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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