She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm like, not good at living.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
