Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
