dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
