Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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