who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
