I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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