i barfeds in our rink
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
