i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
