bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
