so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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