Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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