I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
