you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
