so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
