after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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