I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
