I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
