i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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