yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
