I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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