sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
