I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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